well I mean, like, sometimes I forget exactly when, similar to when I draw things since I don't write dates on the papers

but yeah, anyways

• 2/1/25
the last two days have been really really short and such, mostly from me spending like fucking 9 hours at my honors choir perfomance rehearsal. it was a long like 2 hour drive both on the day of the rehearsal and on the actual performance. though the actual performance itself was only 5 hours though. there was some funny people from some other schools and such, like the one guy in tenor I sat next to who I joked around with as I watched the other part of the performance with them. anyway, while I was there too, I had like a few thoughts I don't remember too much about but do remember asking something to my friend about. mostly on how I felt this strange feeling when it came to what kind of people were in a social group with me. in which I had the feeling that like, being around a bunch of boys is sort of intimidating in a way, where I assume they can get rowdy together. but being around only other girls is almost intimidating as well, as if it feels competitive, or really that I would be singled out. so truthfully, I think I realized and asked about how I seemingly am much more comfortable with a group of people if there are both girls and boys. or maybe I'm really just more comfortable around queer people, which is probably the answer. straight and cis people too much is annoying if not almost unsettling to me
• 1/27/25
fucking finally gonna actually post those photos of my drawings and stuff with page for it, I know I said I would before a bunch, but I like really mean it this time. and I'm gonna start on the tarot pages also, had a chorus rehearsal today. after years of hating myself while in it, thinking I sounded like shit, I finally now don't feel like that, and now all I focus on is others around me actually being worse, so that I, as the older kid in the section, can tell them how to actually do what they think they're shit at, ironically just like how I felt myself. the circle of life really is something I guess.
• 1/25/25
I lost some of my nice nail paint in dark blue I had today, where I thought I left it on the same table I work on but it isn't there, so I don't know. I also think I was planning to add some pages to this website for like showing a bunch of paper drawings I made, which actually included the specific designs I was gonna use for arcana tarot pages, since I thought making my own arcana sounded really cool, and looked funny. I mean really that only started when I just randomly thought to do it so I could draw a cute feminine looking version of the fool, which I don't know why that would be
• 1/23/25
alright so basically I forgot what I mostly was going to write today, I do think I had some things based on the stuff I've done. what I can remember is the fact that I discovered that the like space alchemy symbol -like those cool ones for the planets- the one for earth is actually that like green oxidized copper, which is really funny considering that venus -the planet that has copper as a symbol-, is supposed to be basically like really similar to earth, just that it doesn't have the same oxygen to support life anyway, sadly today I lost my little joker playing card I was using to mark my notebook, so either I have to get another playing card now, or, maybe I might actually try making one myself basically, since I have been like doing a thing of trying to make cards myself, even with using tape on paper so that they look like laminated and stuff
• 1/22/25
recently I had ordered some cool stuff online a few weeks ago or so, which included some stuff both for me and my brother mainly though, I had got four souls, which is like this really cool card game based on the binding of isaac I played it a lot in tabletop sim due to how much I wanted to actually have the card game in fact, wehn getting the game, I realized it hadn't came with the heart tokens the usual ones in tabletop sim did to be a player's health, not sure if they were even a real thing for other bigger versions of the game. either way, I collected a bunch of bottlecaps afterwards so I could spraypaint and draw on them to make them into homemade heart tokens. the caps are still in my garage right now, I haven't drawn on them yet